Great News

My doctor has said I can resume my original medication dose as prescribed. The taper was getting to me and I caved and had to say something. I remember my pastor mentioning to me that if it got bad, let the doctor know. I held back like “No, I have to do this.” And in the end, it was too much too soon of a taper at least for me. So yay for that and thank You, Lord and for all who prayed.

Another thing I would like to say is that my psychiatric appointment was moved from May to February! Another huge blessing. My primary care recently changed and I think he is not really comfortable prescribing benzo medications which I can see because he is not a psychiatric doctor. My previous PCP was also an assistant professor at a medical school so I think he was a bit more seasoned in psychiatry and comfortable with my medication regiment.

So I just wanted to give an update and give praise to the Lord. I feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders right now and that God has truly had mercy upon my undeserving soul.

May God bless you all as you seek His will for your lives.

In Jesus Name, Amen

 

Down

I am feeling down but I wanted to write. I had a blessed Christmas dwelling upon the birth of Jesus. It was bittersweet. I say bittersweet because while it was nice, I am quite a ways from my family and this is the 3rd Christmas that I have not seen them. But I asked God to help me focus on blessings and most of all, Jesus. It is about Him…not me. He must increase, I must decrease.

So today I feel down. My twin’s cat died on the 19th right before Christmas. My Klonopin taper is kinda blah but I have found Valerian Root to help. Basically I am doing it where I take 1 pill instead of 2 for a couple to few days then take 2 for a day, then take 1 for a couple to few days. It really depends on how I can handle it.

Then my hormones are kicking in and since I have PMDD and then other issues… I feel a mess. I miss my family but honestly, I don’t really know if they even miss me. I don’t want to waste time dwelling on sadness yet somehow I become engulfed in it.

I finally went to Biblegateway for the verse of the day to make my Polyvore and it was very fitting. ( I will post that art in just a moment). It was Matthew 11:28.

I guess with that being said… I cry out to the Lord. This is not our permanent home. Feelings are fleeting and so are hormones. And hopefully somehow the car can be okay unless we rent one..and we can have the means to see family. But until then there is Jesus, the hubs, cats, and church.

God’s will be done…not mine. Sorry to anyone who may actually read this if it is jumbled. I feel down and I also just took some Valerian Root extract which I have to say once it kicks in is such a natural blessing and Godsend.

God bless everyone and may you all have a wonderful 2017.

Good News!

So I have some good news from yesterday. I…found…a…psychiatrist! lol Yes I was getting so worried but God had it all worked out all along. Isn’t that how it always works? Even if it isn’t what we were thinking would happen or how.. God knows best.

So I see HER (yes I am so happy it is a female so I emphasize that lol) in May. She is also connected with the same network as my regular doctor.

So yesterday I was so sure that this one lady might be the psychiatrist for me. Well, imagine my disappointment when I was so hopeful and prayerful when it ended up being a closed door. I was discouraged that I slept like a lot. I prayed but honestly, struggled to maintain hope in the Lord and His plan. I even e-mailed my pastor asking for prayer. Like I was obsessing so much so yes I just slept.

So then I got a call from another place I had been repeatedly trying to reach… and after some phone tag I was able to set up an appointment and they were able to pull up all of my info right on their computer since it is in the same network!

So I am just so happy right now and I honestly feel bad for not trusting in God so much at times and letting my own mind get the best of me. I am still going to be tapering with the Klonopin and am praying God’s will. I have nothing wrong with different or minimal medications if I can be stable and healthy. I am still a little weary but look at what God has done I mean… how can I worry? But alas, we are mere humans.

Everything will be okay. God is in control and God is good all of the time, even when we aren’t. Even when we doubt His unchanging faithfulness and best will for us. He never changes and honestly, I am incredibly thankful for that.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me. May God bless you all and thanks for sharing in the joy of this good news.

God’s will be done. Not our’s but God’s.

Medication Taper

So in about a week I will be starting my Klonopin taper. I am a big ball of a bunch of emotions. At times I have peace and truly believe I trust God but then at other times I worry and obsess about what will happen.

I still have yet to find a psychiatrist which could possibly prevent or at least slow down the taper. I am praying and making calls reminding myself God has it worked out and to keep doing my part.

I am scared. I am worried. I am hopeful. I am anxious. I am in God’s care and that has to be enough. He is my strength, my everything. I hope this doesn’t go like the time an old doctor had me go cold turkey. I hope God helps me to bear fruit even during the taper.

Oh Lord in Your mercy… hear my prayer. Thy will be done…. thy will, not mine… be done. Have mercy upon me Lord…have mercy. I love You.