As many people know, this is the season of Lent. Usually God puts something on my heart during Lent and this year something so profound has been on my heart I ended up wanting to share it. I will try to make this a friendly read for all ages but am going to be completely real about what I am about to say.
Lent is a time to dwell on the awfulness of our sin and also God’s wonderful forgiveness. If it were not for Jesus dying on the cross, we would not have true love and forgiveness at all. One of my huge past sins that God has forgiven me for is premarital sex. I am so thankful for this and for Him making me new, but it sure has come with baggage at times.
I engaged in this activity having come from a rough childhood and already having PTSD from other events. I let men use me thinking I was worth nothing, not knowing my worth was in Christ… and even then it still took awhile to stop.
I had low self-esteem, I did drugs and drank, I dressed immodestly. I just didn’t care. I felt unloved in the world and thought that the only way to be accepted was to be used. I learned to turn my brain off during the encounters, yet cried afterward feeling so dirty and sad. It wasn’t making me feel loved or better, it only made me feel worse.
People may engage in premarital sex for a myriad of reasons. Maybe they are struggling to feel loved. Maybe they are trying to make ends meet. Maybe they just don’t see anything wrong with it or justify their behavior. I mean, everyone who does this can have different reasons but the bottom line is God’s word never changes. The world may change, the devil may influence us in ways and a lot more sin is becoming “accepted”. But sin is sin and it doesn’t matter why you do it, God wants His best for you and for you not to do it.
I am now married for a little over a year and a half and what I am about to share is hard for me to but it has to be said. My previous actions have certainly affected my intimacy and marriage. I am not going to sugar coat this. I am forgiven in Christ, yes I turned from the sin but there are consequences.
My PTSD grew worse from having premarital sex. Even with counseling (Christian and non-Christian), I have still struggled at times in this area. I can barely stand to see a kiss on a tv show or movies without feeling triggered. (My husband and I do not have cable and barely watch anything but news, thank God!) When I hear of sexual assault I am reminded of times I was assaulted. I have nightmares sometimes and panic attacks.
God is healing me and I have come a long way, but I will always need the Lord to mold me and help me.
I know some people don’t have sex willingly or are assaulted. I have been assaulted as well. But I really want people to know, if you are having premarital sex… seek God. Don’t do it. This is coming from someone who has been affected by it in so many ways. You are not doomed forever, you can be forgiven and find healing however, the longer you carry on with it, the harder it can be to heal from.
Jesus loves us, our worth is in him. If you have peace and are engaging in this, it is not of God, it is the devil in my opinion. Pray for conviction.
God wants His best for us, for you, for everyone. He can make us new. But we have to truly acknowledge the sin and give it to the Lord and pray for deliverance, maybe even ask others to pray. (My pastors I have had have been asked by me a ton of times to pray lol but never once complained).
If there are situations leading to premarital sex and temptation to do so, examine what they are. Certain movies, television shows, even music believe it or not, can influence us as well. The devil will use anything.
I am not writing this to judge others. I am not perfect at all and now whoever may read this, knows that even more. I am writing this because I have been affected and regret my past. It has deeply affected me and while I am improving as I said, I don’t want others to have to endure this.
I am so thankful for Jesus dying for our sins. I am grateful to have been delivered from that sin however, I am not sinless and never will be until Heaven.
If you are struggling with this, or any sin…I encourage you to pray and read the Bible. Ask others to pray. If you are struggling to see any sin in your life, pray about that too because the Spirit will convict you so you can become more Christlike.
May everyone have a most blessed Lenten season in our loving Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.
” If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:16
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”- 2 Corinthians 5:17
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”- Psalm 51:17
“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3