Numb

Today my brain feels numb. I am actually kind of glad about that. It’s like I feel like I want to cry or feel anything but can’t but it is a nice break from anxiety.

I was glad to get to church last night. I know God hears us anywhere we are but there is something I love about praying in a sanctuary of a church. And I had special prayer about the cats I hope are in Heaven.

It was 2 years ago that Smokey got hit by a car. Also it has been a little past 2 years since Snowball passed. And then this will be the first Christmas that Pikachu and Princess won’t be here. It is quite sobering in a way because when I had these animals in my life, especially at a young age, I didn’t think about them dying. But this is how life works and now as an adult I have to accept it.

I oftentimes wonder if I had brought them with me when relocating or stayed behind if they would be alive now. I find myself praying and blaming myself because I loved them so much and always tried to take special care of them. But I can’t go back and I am here right now. So what can I do?

I guess just try to be the best mama to the kitties here, look forward to Heaven and enjoy life here until we are with Jesus. I am sorry if this is jumbled. My brain does feel weird probably from that Prozac.

Maybe later I will sit on the bedroom floor with Pikachu’s prayer candle we had out for him as he was dying and pray some more. Maybe someday I won’t reach for it but for now… I still do.

God is good. I am here right now. Things will be okay.

 

 

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